30 Tasks

30 Tasks

There are lots of addicts and lots of addictions, with new ones being realized everyday.  Alcoholics, drug addicts, pain pill addicts, shopping addicts, gambling addicts, screen time addicts...and the list goes on. Even inherently good things are addictive as we see sex addicts, love addicts, relationship addicts, and overeating addicts. It seems like we are becoming a nation full of addicts! Much of our culture pushes us toward addiction but many realize the unhealthy obsession and compulsion and know their lives would be better off if they stopped the substance or behavior. Then the real problem hits.

Relapse. 

You stop for a while but then repeat the behavior despite adverse consequences. If you want to prevent relapse and break the addictive cycle, help is here in the 30 Tasks. 

Dr. Patrick Carnes conducted a revolutionary study of addicts and asked the question—Why are some of these people experiencing freedom from their addictive behaviors, but others continue to relapse and experience pain? What was the difference between those with long-term sobriety and those who continued to relapse?

Dr. Carnes found that those with long-term sobriety had a certain set of life skills. And just like every person on a journey to something important, there are certain tasks that must be completed to achieve these life skills. Dr Carnes developed 30 distinct life skills, each with distinct exercises (or performables).

Recommended books, websites, videos, and podcasts

Recommended books, websites, videos, and podcasts

Addiction Recovery

  • Facing the Shadow by Carnes is the primary book we use as it lays out the first 7 of the 30 tasks

  • Out of the Doghouse by Weiss is a very practical book on restoring trust for men caught cheating

  • Sex Addiction 101 by Weiss is a great intro book to the concept of sex addiction

  • Porn Addiction 101 by Weiss is a great intro book to the concept of addiction to specialized media. 

  • Sexual Anorexia by Patrick Carnes. Before you say this doesn’t apply to you, read the chapters on nurturing, sensuality, and self-image. If you still think it doesn’t apply then talk it over with someone. I’ve yet to talk through this book with a client who didn’t find it important and beneficial.

  • Out of the Shadows by Carnes is a good book to introduce the concept of sex addiction

  • Voices of Recovery is a good daily reader specifically on recovring healthy intimacy and sexual behaviors. You can actually CLICK HERE to view today’s entry.  

  • The Three Circles

  • Seeking Integrity YouTube page

  • Sex Love and Addiction podcast

  • Sex and Relationship Healing drop in groups 

  • Sex Addicts Anonymous 

  • Awaken 

Betrayal Trauma 

  • Facing Heartbreak by Carnes is the primary book we use as it lays out the first 7 of the 30 tasks

  • Mending a Shattered Heart by Carnes has brief introductions to several aspects of betrayal trauma. Each chapter is written by a different expert in that aspect of betrayal trauma

  • Moving Beyond Betrayal by Palmer lays out some general principles for beginning to deal with betrayal and it shows a good boundary system

  • Deeply Troubled Radically Forgiven by Ibarra is a memoir of experience, strength, and hope through the ups and downs of betrayal trauma recovery. Though not necessarily a biblically based book, there is a lot of Christian thought prominent in it.  

  • Seeking Integrity YouTube page

  • Sex Love and Addiction podcast

  • Seeking Integrity drop in groups 

  • COSA

  • Awaken 

Couples

  • Courageous Love by Carnes is the primary book we use with couples dealing with betrayal as it lays out the disclosure process and gives good relationship exercises dedicated to rebuilding trust after infidelity

  • Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Gottman has the basic principles for any relationship success and has very practical brief assessments and exercises to strengthen those relationship building blocks

  • Hold Me Tight by Johnson introduces and explains “Emotionally Focused Therapy” for couples using the research of attachment theory and laying out the conversations that need to stop in relationships and the conversations that need to happen. There is a book and a workbook. 

  • Seeking Integrity YouTube page

  • Sex Love and Addiction podcast

  • Sex and Relationship Healiing drop in groups 

  • Recovering Couples Anonymous 

Further Recovery 

  • Recovery Zone Volume 1 and Recovery Zone Volume 2 by Carnes 

Internal Family Systems

  • Altogether You by Riemersma explains IFS and is easy to use as a reference book 

  • No Bad Parts by Schwartz explains IFS well and has good exercises. 

  • Self Compassion Day by Day by Locke is a daily reader that gives small daily suggested actions of Self to part relationship and Self leadership. 

  • movetoward.com 

  • Seeking Integrity drop in group on IFS