Discovery

Have you been cheated on by your partner?  Are things finally coming out in the open about your spouses sexual behavior and you think your spouse may be a sex addict?

This is known as discovery. Discovery is when the spouse first finds out (whether by accident, following a hunch, or being told by your partner) that your spouse has been lying to you and doing things behind your back. Discovery can be relieving, shocking, depressing, and maddening all at the same time.  You probably aren’t sure what to do next and your instincts tell you to do different things every hour. 

Maybe this isn’t the first discovery but this discovery is the one that put you over the edge to know you can’t take it anymore or even question whether or not your spouse is a sex addict or a pornography addict. 

We can help with that. 

You are not alone. Many people have gone through this and there are specific steps for you to follow. 

You need a place to discuss your discoveries, feelings, and thoughts in a safe, nonjudgmental environment, with someone who understands these types of discoveries. You need to be able to explore what you are gong through without being given unasked for advice but when you are ready to get some help to figure out what your next steps are, you need someone who is objective and knowledgeable.  Family members and friends can be helpful but usually, at first, they are too emotionally involved to be objective. That’s a good thing!  That means they care about you. But, it can cloud their judgement when you first talk about your discoveries.  

Notice your emotions but don’t let them control you. Researchers are learning that one of the best ways to incorporate your emotions appropriately into your behavior and action is to accurately name the emotions. Most people have gotten very little training in this but it is a fundamental skill for everybody and very helpful for you as you process these discoveries. 

When you are ready, start making a plan for what you will do next.  Have someone who is specifically trained in developing plans of action, boundaries, and next steps give you guidance as you make your decisions. 

This is your decision to make. These are your steps to take.  We are here to give you the guidance you desire.