The Problems List
Whether you are experiencing grief, sex addiction, betrayal, infidelity, trauma, depression, anxiety, or many of the other common issues that beset us, denial is almost there to hold us back from healing. There are a number of tools and assessments I have used to help clients break through various aspects of denial. One of the most straightforward and effective tools I teach my clients is how to create and utilize a problems list.
Basically, if something causes a problem, it goes on the problems list!
Without truly acknowledging a problem, it can be easily overlooked and an overlooked problem can cause more problems and bigger problems with bigger consequences. When someone takes the time to put pen to paper and understand how much havoc their behaviors are wreaking in their lives it is much easier to see how much of a problem that behavior really is. It becomes harder and harder to believe the lie that “there is nothing worth fixing.” This may seem tough at first. It is often very difficult to accept the severity of an issue, but the acknowledgement of the problem is the first step to freedom. A name has been put on the issue, and you’re one step closer to addressing it!
Improving in any aspect of life takes a game plan and this is the first part of that plan. We find the problems, understand them, and begin to develop new ways to cope. I choose to view the problem list as an opportunity to take the first steps to become the person I want to be and make the necessary changes.
Who can use this tool?
This is one of the first and most useful tools to have for anyone just starting therapy, no matter what the issue is. Having all of the problems listed out can be a great starting point for your discussions of goal setting and dreaming about your future in life coaching.
This exercise is the very first exercise you will find in Patrick Carnes’ groundbreaking book Facing the Shadow which we use with sex addiction clients in individual therapy and in our Facing...Sexual and Relationship Integrity Groups. If you have been struggling for sobriety, creating a problems list can be a major way of helping you toward sobriety.
If you are dealing with betrayal trauma and not sure what to do next, lining up all of your problems in a problems list can really help you organize your thoughts, focus on your priorities, and make the changes you want to make. It is easy to get pulled back into the mess but seeing your problems on paper can help you keep your resolve for change.
Trying to set boundaries with others or even keep your promises to yourself? Having the problems all listed out can give you the clarity and the much needed firm determination.
Write out all of your problems.
Rate the severity of each of the problems on a scale of 1-10
Make connections between problems and see how solving one problem may help solve another.
Once you have completed this, you will be ready to go on to the next steps of evaluating your power to change them, creating a plan, and incorporating support.
Good luck and if you need help, contact us!
Not sure what is a problem and what is not a problem?
Assessments are great tools to help you figure out what is a problem and what isn’t a problem.