What is Depression? A Look at Depression

What Are the Symptoms of Depression?

More and more people are struggling with symptoms of depression these days, such as having a persistent sad, anxious or "empty" mood, sleeping too much or too little, middle of the night or early morning waking, reduced appetite and weight loss, or increased appetite and weight gain, a loss of pleasure and interest in activities once enjoyed, including sex, restlessness, irritability, having persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment (such as chronic pain or digestive disorders), difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions, fatigue or loss of energy, feeling guilty, hopeless or worthless, and thoughts of suicide or death. (See Mental Health America) Sometimes we don’t even realize that our symptoms might indicate depression, so we minimize their importance and deny our suffering.

What Causes Depression?

Many things can contribute to depression, including having too little or too much of certain brain chemicals, called “neurotransmitters,” negative thinking patterns and low self-esteem, the hormonal changes of menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, and menopause, having a serious illness such as heart disease, cancer, Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s disease, etc., a side effect of medication, or a stressful event. The ongoing Covid 19 pandemic certainly qualifies as a stressful event! There has been a rise in prescriptions for anxiety and depression in the U.S. “During August 2020–February 2021, the percentage of adults with recent symptoms of an anxiety or a depressive disorder increased from 36.4% to 41.5%, and the percentage of those reporting an unmet mental health care need increased from 9.2% to 11.7%.” (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)

“Everyone experiences a range of emotions over the course of days and weeks, typically varying based on events and circumstances. When disappointed, we usually feel sad. When we suffer a loss, we grieve. Normally these feelings ebb and flow. They respond to input and changes. By contrast, depression tends to feel heavy and constant. People who are depressed are less likely to be cheered, comforted, or consoled. People who recover from depression often welcome the ability to feel normal sadness again, to have a “bad day,” as opposed to a leaden weight on their minds and souls every single day.” (Alan Gelenberg, M.D., American Psychiatric Association)

Why am I Depressed?

Pete Walker, author of Complex PTSD – From Surviving to Thriving, describes another possible cause of depression: an emotional flashback. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) can develop when a child experiences overwhelming and/or abusive events and circumstances over an extended period of time. A person who develops “simple” PTSD after an event such as an assault or a natural disaster can be triggered by a sound, smell, word, etc. into reliving that traumatic experience. Forgetting where they are and thinking the event is happening in the present is called a flashback. Unlike flashbacks connected with PTSD, CPTSD flashbacks do not typically include a visual component: CPTSD flashbacks are emotional.

“Emotional flashbacks are sudden and often prolonged regressions to the overwhelming feeling-states of being an abused/abandoned child. These feeling states can include overwhelming fear, shame, alienation, rage, grief and depression. They also include unnecessary triggering of our fight/flight instincts. … Flashbacks can range in intensity from subtle to horrific. They can also vary in duration, ranging from moments to weeks on end where they devolve into what many therapists call a regression. …

“Emotional neglect, alone, causes children to abandon themselves, and to give up on the formation of a self. They do so to preserve an illusion of connection with the parent and to protect themselves from the danger of losing that tenuous connection. This typically requires a great deal of self-abdication, e.g., the forfeiture of self-esteem, self-confidence, self-care, self-interest, and self-protection. … The abandonment depression itself is the deadened feeling of helplessness and hopelessness that afflicts traumatized children.” (Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving)

Before I started learning about CPTSD, I was unaware that some of my emotional “overreactions” were actually emotional flashbacks. I experience flashbacks when something in the present triggers emotions from the past without bringing forth memories, images, words, etc. For example, sometimes my spouse will say or do something and strong feelings, such as rage, fear, shame, or grief will overwhelm me with an intensity that does not match what triggered them. More recently, I learned that sudden suicidal ideation can be an emotional flashback. Today, I know how to look for clues that I’m in an emotional flashback, such as feeling trapped or very young. Then I use the tools I have been learning to care for myself in those moments. I feel much more equipped to handle flashbacks now. However, I remember what it was like before I had those tools.

“In survival mode, even the most trivial and normally easy task can feel excruciatingly difficult. As in childhood, it is all feels just too hard. And if the flashback is especially intense, … [it can feel like] the worst times in childhood when our will to live was so compromised. [S]urvival mode can … feel pretty awful, especially when it is characterized by high anxiety or immobilizing depression.” (Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving)

How to Deal with Depression 

Pete Walker suggests that learning and practicing “unrelenting self-acceptance during a period of extended difficulty” is one of the best things people struggling with depression can do for themselves. He also emphasizes the “need to develop a staunch and unyielding sense of self-protection. This fundamental instinct of fiery willingness to defend ourselves from unfairness needs to strengthen progressively so that we can withstand inner critic attacks. … Moreover, if we are far enough along in recovery to have a safe ally, we can enlist their support to help us verbally ventilate out our pain at being stuck in survival.”  (Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving)

How is Depression Treated?

A wide variety of treatments are available for dealing with depression. Several medications are available. Some things that been helpful for me and for many people I’ve worked with are grounding and centering techniques, having a support group or person, gentle self-care behaviors, spiritual practices, artistic or musical expression, a healthier diet, getting outside regularly (even for five minutes a day), and quick, simple Polyvagal exercises. Having a compassionate person to talk with is one of the most powerful tools for healing depression. 

Understanding What it’s Like for People Suffering from Depression

A few years ago, my daughter created a metaphor to articulate her experience with depression. With her permission, I share it here, in hopes that it helps people better understand how to help their loved ones who are suffering.

IN CHAINS
A story of how it feels to have depression (at least to me)
Written December 14, 2018. Edited Jan 15, 2022
By EJ Wunderly

I'm on my knees, my hands behind my back. Painful shackles are connected to my wrists and ankles, connected to short chains, connected to heavy spiked balls. The spikes grow longer each day, digging further into the ground, making it harder to move. Hard enough that I've almost given up.

"I have the key to your problem!" A stranger passing by says. They hold up a nail file. Shaking the hair out of my eyes, I stare in disbelief at the tiny file.

"It worked for me!" They hold up a ball and key chain. Small enough to fit in the palm of their hand. "You should try it!"

"Sure," I say, willing to do anything to be able to stand again. They set the nail file on the ground in front of me.

"There you go! You'll be right as rain in no time!" They start to walk away.

"Wait!" I struggle with the chains, trying to pull my arm in front of me enough to grab the file. "I can't reach! Wait!"

"Sure you can reach! I did!" They laugh and continue walking.

I lean forward with all my weight. The ball shifts a little, and I fall, my hands behind my back, unable to catch myself. The file sits under my nose, but I still can't get to it. My arms ache as I struggle back upright. As upright as the short chains allow.

"Oh dear, you look horrible!" Another stranger. Another someone who thinks they know. "Have you tried this?" They hold up a pair of nail clippers. "It worked for me!" They hold up a bracelet-sized ball and chain. I can feel the spikes on mine grow.

"I... I can try, but I don't think it'll work." I say.

They set it just beyond the nail file and turn away.

"Wait! Wait! I couldn't reach the file! I can't reach the nail clippers!"

But they are already gone.

I hang my head. I guess I'm stuck here.

Footsteps.

Maybe someone who can actually help? I look up and see yet another stranger.

"My chains were heavy too!" They say, holding up a chain large enough to be a necklace. “I used this!” They set wire cutters down beyond the nail clippers. Still too far away.

My heart sinks. The spikes grow. Can no one see that I simply can't reach? That if I could, I would?

"Thanks," I say dryly.

They walk away.

A handsaw, a knife, a hammer, even a lock pick. They are all too far away, and by now, the spikes must reach bedrock.

“If only I could shrink the spikes or make the chains longer,” I mutter to myself.

“Why would you need to do that?” A voice says. Another stranger who knows better than me. “You have plenty of tools right in front of you!”

“I. Can’t. Reach.” I grumble.

“No, you’re just being lazy. Work harder, and you’ll get it!”

This is where her story ended. She sent it to me, and I sobbed as I read it. I related. But I love my daughter, and I couldn’t bear to leave her story like that, so I added a response to it and sent it to her. Here’s what poured out of me, depicting my experience in recovery.

I hang my head in shame as she walks away.

“That wasn’t very empathetic,” muses a gentle voice in my ear. Startled, I turn my head.

“I had similar shackles and spiked balls a few months ago. It was really heavy and painful. I wanted to move; I tried to move. But it was just too much. It felt impossible! And people kept judging me and shaming me. It was awful.”

Tears filled my eyes—it sounded like someone understood me! I glanced at her wrists, looking for manacles, but I couldn’t see any. They probably weren’t very big.

She sat beside me, a few inches away, her angelic face registering sadness. I shifted apprehensively. Would she, too, tell me how to solve my problems? I waited for it. And waited. The silence lengthened. Okay, I thought. I’ll bite.

“How did you get rid of them?”

“I didn’t,” she replied. My eyes widened, my mouth a little “o” of surprise.

“Wha—?”

“They’re still there. It’s just that I learned to let Him carry them.”

“Who do you mean?” As I started to ask the question, she leaned towards me and I suddenly saw Someone sitting right behind her, dressed in a white, flowing robe and radiating love and joy. In His hands, He held a giant, spiky chain that was considerably larger than mine. I gaped in shock.

“He is my Source of spiritual power. Some friends taught me how to allow Him to carry my burden, and now I am free to move around.”

“Can He carry more than one?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. I almost couldn’t bear to hope.

“Of course!” she exclaimed. “My Source is all-powerful – and He operates outside of time and space. He can carry anyone’s load— anyone who asks Him to and learns how to let Him.”

“Please help me learn that, too!” I begged.

“I would be happy to,” she answered. “We are here for you.”

The Being in white smiled tenderly. “I love you and I’m here to help you.”

Getting Support in Connecting with Your Source of Spiritual Power 

As you may have guessed, I have a belief in God. However, I think the being that carries the painful ball and chain in the metaphor can represent a lot of different sources of spiritual power, including the power of love, a support group, the spirit of a relative who has passed, nature, your Wise Adult Self, or the universe. No matter what your source of power greater than yourself is, I would like to help you connect with that power, so that you, too, can find hope and healing. Call (205) 800-4366 to set up an appointment.