What is Anxiety? A Look At Anxiety
I am no stranger to anxiety. During my grade school years, I frequently suffered from stomach aches and bowel issues due to the fear and stress of being bullied daily. The night before a test in high school, I would sleep poorly, tossing and turning, and unable to stop my worrying, racing thoughts. As an adult, speaking in front of people produces a racing heart, sweaty palms, shaky legs, and a loss for words.
What Are The Symptoms Of Anxiety?
I know that many people experience these or other anxiety symptoms, such as dizziness or a rapid heartbeat, headaches, fatigue, weakness, restlessness, and poor concentration. Though they may be bothersome, these kinds of things don’t usually require therapy or medication. There are coping tools that help me manage these symptoms when they pop up.
How to Know if You Have Anxiety?
It’s normal to feel anxious sometimes. However, if you're experiencing symptoms of anxiety over a long period of time, you may have an anxiety disorder. For example, Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is a condition that can make a person feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues, rather than one specific event. If worrying is uncontrollable or causing distress, or disrupts your daily life, a General Practitioner (such as a family doctor) can diagnose your condition based on the following symptoms:
Excessive, uncontrollable worry and anxiety about a number of events or activities, accompanied by three (or more) of the following symptoms, for at least 6 months:
Restlessness or feeling keyed-up or on edge
Fatigue
Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank
Irritability
Muscle tension
Difficulty sleeping (trouble falling or staying asleep, or restless, unsatisfying sleep).
Other anxiety disorders include agoraphobia, panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder. I have suffered from some symptoms of anxiety disorders that had a heavy impact on my life. For example, even as an adult, I have sometimes found myself hiding in an empty room to escape uncomfortable social situations, or just staying home and avoiding them altogether. I spent four decades suffering from emetophobia (the severe fear of vomiting or seeing others vomit) and the first seventeen years of my marriage, I struggled with compulsive avoidance of sex (sometimes referred to as sexual anorexia). Gratefully, I do not have to live like that anymore! All of the symptoms I have mentioned are either completely gone or have been greatly reduced. I’ll share more about some tools I like for coping with anxiety in a moment. First, I want to delve a little into the causes of anxiety.
What Causes Anxiety?
There can be environmental causes of anxiety. Physical or mental conditions or stressful life events can cause feelings of dread, fear, or uneasiness. Symptoms of nervousness or anxiety can be side effects of certain drugs. Anxiety is also a common symptom of other ailments, such as complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).
Most people have heard of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which occurs after a traumatic event like an assault or a car crash. Complex PTSD, however, develops when a person has experienced prolonged or repeated trauma over time. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network describes complex trauma as “both children’s exposure to multiple traumatic events—often of an invasive, interpersonal nature—and the wide-ranging, long-term effects of this exposure. These events are severe and pervasive, such as abuse or profound neglect. They usually occur early in life and can disrupt many aspects of the child’s development and the formation of a sense of self. Since these events often occur with a caregiver, they interfere with the child’s ability to form a secure attachment.” (https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types/complex-trauma) In an article posted on the American Psychological Association’s website, it states that Complex PTSD has “gained traction in clinical settings for both children and adults since the World Health Organization added it to the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems (ICD-11) in 2019.” (https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/07/ce-corner-developmental-trauma)
What is the Root of my Anxiety?
When I began my recovery journey, I didn’t think I had much trauma in my childhood. However, today I know that what didn’t always happen (for example, emotional attunement and safety) had an impact on my developing brain and nervous system. In his book, “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving,” Pete Walker, M.A., MFT, explains that without a reliable human source of love, support and protection, a child can adopt self-sufficiency as a survival strategy. As an adult, they may appear to do well in structured situations. “Unstructured social situations however, like attending parties or just hanging out can be considerably more triggering. … Either way, structured or spontaneous, relating often involves hiding a great deal of anxiety and discomfort.” (Complex PTSD – From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker)
Emotional and/or physical neglect may result in more than social anxiety. Other common symptoms include “emotional flashbacks, toxic shame, self-abandonment, and a vicious inner critic,” says Walker. He also believes that CPTSD is often misdiagnosed as other anxiety and depressive disorders. CPTSD can co-occur with bipolar, narcissistic, codependent, autistic spectrum, and borderline disorders, but sometimes people are “unfairly and inaccurately labeled,” he says. (Complex PTSD – From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker)
Anxiety, Parenting, and Dear Evan Hansen
Reading Pete Walker’s book started me reflecting on my experiences in early childhood and their impact on my nervous system. I also began examining the ways my pre-recovery behavior of dissociation, emotional distancing, and discomfort with physical touch have caused harm to my spouse and children, now ranging in age from their teens to their twenties. I am glad that now I better understand what they (and I) need, and I am much more capable of connecting with myself and my loved ones.
Recently, I felt sorrow and regret as I watched the movie version of the award-winning Broadway musical, “Dear Evan Hansen.” One particular scene portrays the parents of high school teenagers as caring adults who are trying, but failing to reach their kids — and they know it. I can identify with their pain and frustration in a song in the play titled, “Anybody Have a Map?” They admit that they don’t know what to do and they’re making it up as they go. I relate. It’s so easy to feel lost as a parent, and it can cause a lot of anxiety!
However, as a person in recovery from CPTSD, I can also clearly see what the teens in that story needed (and did not receive) from their parents, and how that negatively impacted them. The main character, Evan, struggles with a social anxiety disorder and depression, and another character, Connor, has drug addiction and anger issues. A third character, Alana, is a popular, straight-A, president-of-everything student who appears to have a strong self-esteem. However, in the movie version of Dear Evan Hansen, during a candid conversation (and a beautiful song called The Anonymous Ones), Evan finds out that he’s not the only one taking medication for anxiety and/or depression, and that, though she appears otherwise, Alana is also suffering.
My intention is not to turn this into a review of the play or the movie. I am simply sharing that these illustrations resonated with me because of what I have experienced while growing up, and also as a parent. These teens needed their parents to really listen to them and show that they heard and understood what was being shared. They needed to feel like someone was on their side. They needed a loving parent to look deeply into their eyes and witness the pain, fear, anger, and confusion of adolescence, and be in that space emotionally with their child, instead of trying to “fix” or control them. The responses these characters received from their parents were not overtly abusive; however, they were inadequate. The teens needed a lot more – and so did I. People who do not get the consistent nurture they need as babies or children can grow up to have emotional and/or physiological distress as adults. This can lead to a wide range of symptoms such as anxiety, migraines, depression, autoimmune conditions, irritable bowel syndrome, and more. The good news is that our brains are able to adapt, change, and heal.
How to Calm Anxiety
Here are a few of my favorite strategies for managing and reducing anxiety.
Talk about it - Having safe people in my life that I can share my thoughts and feelings with has helped heal parts of my brain that were programmed with “people are dangerous” messages. When I feel listened to, attuned with, and not judged, I feel emotionally safe to share difficult or sensitive things which need to be witnessed so that they can be healed.
Rest and digest - Eating fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean protein, staying hydrated, and getting adequate sleep can reduce stress on the body.
Avoid using substances - Alcohol, recreational drugs, caffeine, and nicotine disrupt the body’s natural production and reception of “feel-good” chemicals like dopamine and serotonin.
Exercise - (Don’t you hate it when the answer is always, “Diet and exercise?” I know I do!) However, exercise naturally causes the production of endorphins. Additionally, “[w]hen you engage in strenuous physical activity, you're essentially mimicking the responses that can come with anxiety, allowing you to learn how to manage these responses and not be overwhelmed by them in other situations.” (American Psychological Association, https://www.apa.org/topics/exercise-fitness/stress) That’s a nifty bonus, I think!
Relaxation techniques - I have found Polyvagal exercises and visualizations to be helpful in increasing calmness.
IFS - Internal Family Systems is my favorite way of personifying my emotions and dialoguing with them to compassionately witness them.
Somatic Experiencing – Paying attention to symptoms and sensations in my body and talking about them gives emotions a chance to express themselves and stored trauma energy to release, reducing my fight/flight/freeze/fawn reactions and restoring my sense of safety and equilibrium.
How to Deal with Anxiety
Here’s an example of one of my recent battles with anxiety and panic, and how I dealt with it. When COVID 19 appeared and we were all required to wear masks in public, at first I experienced crippling anxiety. For a while, my nervous system almost permanently shifted into the threat responses of “flight” or “freeze.” The shelves were empty at the grocery store, and subconsciously, I was afraid my needs would not be met. There was a huge, heavy energy of fear everywhere. Also, not being able to see people’s mouths made it difficult for me to easily determine people’s emotional state. I had never before realized that I relied so heavily on seeing their mouths to ascertain whether people were happy or upset!
Additionally, I suffered from several symptoms whenever I put a mask over my own nose and mouth: a racing, pounding heart, shallow, rapid breathing, tightness in my chest, sweating, trembling, queasiness in my stomach, and a dread like I just might die. Those symptoms are on the list of what the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) defines as a panic attack.
I was highly motivated to work through what was coming up for me, though, because my son was getting married in the summer of 2020! I needed to be able to deal with not only seeing people in masks, but wearing one on my own face for several hours. I spent a couple of days by myself in a motel room, calling friends, journaling, and doing somatic exercises to feel and express the trauma that was causing the mask-related panic. I’m grateful to say I was able to cope with the masks sufficiently to be able to enjoy my son’s wedding, and now I can wear them for extended periods of time when necessary.
I’m Here to Help
If any of this resonates with you and you would like to explore some ways to understand and cope with your own anxiety, I would love to talk with you. I am happy to share what I have been learning about managing anxiety, recovering from addictive behaviors, and healing from childhood trauma or betrayal trauma. Call (205) 800-4366 to set up an appointment.